Binnsy's Hovel

Well, after another thrilling final quarter, the Demons came away with another win over the North Melbourne Kangaroos, this time by four points. I was keeping my eye on the message boards at Demonology just for amusements’ sake, and at one point I laughed out loud when one poster made a very accurate comment, when he said it seemed the Dees’ were intent on ‘snatching defeat from the claws of victory’.

But after a few quick goals and some absolute magic from little Aaron Davey, we came away with our second win of the season. Byron Pickett more than found his feet this game. He found them, screwed them on and pumped the absolute toes off them. Our recruit from Port Adelaide, and the inheritor of Jeff Farmer’s No. 33, was all over the ground and was crucial in setting up some of our most important shots for goal.

A worry for us was the loss of Robbo (Russell Robertson) to injury, although for some bizarre reason he was still on the ground when the final siren blew. Another inexplicable, this time from North’s side, was one that everyone, Demons and Kangas fans alike were questioning. Kangaroo Nathan Thompson had an absolute ripper of a final term, taking marks left, right and centre, and popping a few through the big sticks in the middle of the quarter, when the Roos really needed them. But for some incomprehensible reason, Roos coach Dean Laidley pulled Thompson off with about four or five minutes to go. There was absolutely nothing wrong with Thompson. He was standing in front of the bench, obviously itching to get back on and have another crack. What the…?

But really, in the end, as a Demons fan, I don’t give a rat’s. We won. w00t!

As part of my research for my blogging thesis, I’ve been flicking through Biz Stone’s awesome blogging resource (almost a treatise on blogging – much the same thing as I hope to achieve with my paper), Who Let the Blogs Out?. For anyone even vaguely interested in blogging from any angle, from reader to publisher, this is a funny, engaging, comprehensive and easy to understand guide to the history of blogging, how to get set up and succeed at blogging, and the blog’s role in society.

I’ve also started reading Jasper Fforde’s Lost in a Good Book, the second instalment in the Thursday Next series. Fforde is an amazing author, seamlessly integrating various literary threads and allusions into a hugely embellished, fantastic and amazingly advanced 1985 Britain. Last year, during the HSC, I read The Big Over Easy, the first of his newest series based on the adventures of detective Jack Spratt. Imagine all of your favourite nursery rhymes and myths, from Humpty Dumpty to Georgie Porgie to Prometheus to Frankenstein… then add a good lashing of mystery and intrigue, a Samuel-Spade-film-noir-ish feel and you’ve got a ripper yarn.

My MP3 collection has undergone somewhat of a reorganisation, and I’ve burnt about 200 or so to a CD so I can listen to them all in my car – via a CD player-cassette radio adapter. In a spurt of randomness, have ten songs picked at random from these 200 odd tracks:

1. Fire and Rain – James Taylor – Always loved this song… tried to adapt the guitar pick to piano once, unsuccessfully.

2. Walking in Memphis – Mark Cohn – An ethereal and haunting song, with a piano part that I love. Builds up to a great finish: “She said, ‘Tell me, are you a Christian, child?’, and I said, ‘Ma’am, I am tonight!’”

3. Lose Your Way – Sophie B. Hawkins – A lovely song about love, friendship and companionship. I love the line, “If loving you makes a slave of me, then I’ll spend my whole life in chains.”

4. Feeling Good – Muse – A heavy rock interpretation of a classic Nina Simone number. As much as I do prefer the Simone version, this is a unique revamp, and I like it for its overpumped electric piano and heavy guitar. Not quite as good as Muse’s cover of Can’t Take My Eyes Off You, but close.

5. Mull of Kintyre – Paul McCartney & Wings – A simple song that obviously has a special meaning to McCartney. This song makes me want to visit the UK, especially Ireland, Wales and Scotland. It conjures up vivid imagery of rugged coastlines, fog and ocean breezes, and freezing winters.

6. Folsom Prison Blues – Johnny Cash – I’m a closet Cash fan, because of my upbringing in Tamworth, and lots of late nights sitting up listening to Country Music Hoedown on 2TM. This is probably my favourite Johnny Cash song. Great stuff.

7. The Bitter End – Placebo – Random? You got it. My liking for Placebo rubbed off from a Goth friend I have. But Placebo is as far as I’ll go. This song is cool, and I love the opening, where all the instruments come in one by one.

8. Red Red Wine – UB40 – Not only do I like this song because I like red wine, but because of its heavy reggae beat and neat bass line. UB40’s vocals and harmonies are beautiful too, and bring forth images of the islands. A lovely song.

9. Rocket Man – Elton John – This song always makes me think about how hard it must be for the families of astronauts when they are left alone while their fathers, mothers, wives, husbands are off in space. Especially with that line, “Mars ain’t the kind of place to raise your kids, in fact it’s cold as hell.” Chilling, haunting, beautiful, cool… typical Elton.

10. We Built This City – Starship – Can’t explain my liking of this song. Was thrown ‘into the bin! *whipcrack*’ by Shaun Micallef, who stated that it was “impossible to build a city out of something so abstract as rock and roll. Maybe they should try something a little more tangible, like bricks and mortar.”

Had enough of my rambling yet? Thought you might have. So have I, incidentally.

Until next time…

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The theme for this week’s Scavenger Hunt was old.

I puzzled for a few hours this morning over what to photograph. I went through all the pics I’d taken on my computer and nothing stood out. So I picked up my camera phone and wandered round the house looking for something, anything…

Do I take a pic of the big, old tree out in the backyard? No… The old dictionary in the bookcase? No… My grandmother? Well, she’s not here, and she’d probably be insulted…

Then I remembered the oldest item in our house. Our W.H. Paling upright piano.

We found this piano lying on its back under my third cousin’s house. My third cousin once removed (he’s actually my mother’s third cousin) is well into his 60’s or early 70’s, and is a mechanic renowned hoarder. His house and the surrounding 1000 hectares is a treasure trove and a junk yard rolled into one. When we found this piano about ten years ago, it was already over 100 years old, and hadn’t been played for at least 50 years – yet it was only a semitone out of tune.

The piano stool you see there was made out of an old breadbox, and is incredibly uncomfortable!

Since we found it I’ve played it countless times, and have learnt up to Grade 4 AMEB Piano for Leisure – the level I’m currently studying.

It’s beautifully made, with polished wooden panels and the old elastic and wooden hammers, and is adorned with fine brass candle holders.

And no, it’s not for sale.

Until next time…

At 6:30am this morning I was awoken by the sound of an earthmover, a bobcat and a large truck sidling down the driveway beside our house. The equipment then proceeded to wait there, engines running, for half an hour, until 7am, when they began their work.

Now, I appreciate the fact that these people are just following orders from our landlord*. Our landlord must be completely devoid of any grasp whatsoever of the tenancy contract. This contract, though it has no ’sunset clause’, states that weekends are off-limits for loud machinery and other such equipment.

Not only that, but in order to get down the back to where they’re working (we rent the front part of a larger property), they have to drive through a paddock which we own. This is, therefore, trespassing.

Perhaps I’m just venting. Actually that’s exactly what I’m doing. After expecting to sleep in until at least 9 or 10, I was awoken at 6:35 this morning by loud trucks. But is my whinging warranted?

I also tip my hat to and put out my hand for rent money from my new Blodger, The Grumpy Owl. This is one of those blogs that’s hard to put into any one category. I sympathise, my friend. What do you think the Hovel would be classed as? Political? Satirical? Humorous? Personal? Media? Sports? There are many, many ways to class a blog. And The Grumpy Owl, from Ryan Oakley in Canada, is just one of those blogs that doesn’t really have any class. But in a good way. A top blog, with all sorts of interesting stuff from the world of technology, the media, culture and all sorts of other fun and hilarious stuff. Go check it out and make his rent money pay for itself.

As mentioned lastnight the Demons had a win on Sunday against the Swans, and I was there at the SCG to see it. Top stuff. I felt very lonely, being one of the few Melbourne supporters there. But we beat the reigning premiers at their home ground, in front of about 25,000 Sydney faithful. Awesome. The Demons take on the North Melbourne Kangaroos today, at their first home game back at the nerve centre, the epicentre, the holy land of Australian sport, the Melbourne Cricket Ground. It’ll be a big day for the boys; let’s hope they come away with a win. Check out my latest article over at Demonology too.

I’ll whack up my entry for the Scavenger Hunt in another post.

Until next time…

* – Short, Maltese**, Stupid, Unethical, Complete and Utter Wanker
** – Nothing against Maltese people at all. For the most part Maltese are just doing what they do, and I’m happy to let them do it. Except when it’s waking three families up at 6:30am on a Saturday morning.

Long time, no post. I am sorry. No really, I am.

Went interstate for a few days to catch up with family.

Went to footy last Sunday… Melbourne vs Sydney. Twas great – especially since the Dees knocked up their first win of the season!

More soon… probably tomorrow.

Until next time…

Found this hilarious article over at the Onion:

Local beaver Dennis Messner is spending an inordinate amount of time and effort in the planning and construction phases of building his dam, according to neighbors close to the project.

In the past four months, Messner, 4, has visited hundreds of other dams and drawn up detailed and extensive blueprints. He has researched topics ranging from advanced dome acoustics to the near-extinction of the North American beaver in the early 20th century, and plans to incorporate much of his research into his design.

“There are two primary schools of thought on dam building: the instinctive school and the adaptive school,” Messner said, studying the river’s current. “I’m more of an integration-minded postmodernist. I don’t believe that form should follow function, like most of my colleagues do. On the other hand, a dam is a celebration of beaver culture, and that is what it should reflect.”

Catch the rest over there.

Until next time…

Now to fulfil my duties as bloglord to my latest blodger (a unique melding of the words ‘blogger’ and ‘lodger’, for the pun-illiterate), Kelly Hoffart and his photoblog – Full Metal Photographer.

Kelly takes some amazing photos, and the photo on his profile is just awesome.

But I can’t deny that the main reason I accepted his bid was for the shameless play on Full Metal Jacket in his title.

“You know there’s not a single horse in the entire country of Vietnam? There’s definitely something wrong with that.”
– Private Cowboy

Until next time…

I sincerely apologise for those of you who’ve been having trouble viewing the Hovel in Internet Explorer. I’ve reinstalled the template, and that seems to have fixed the problem. I’ve been blissfully unaware mainly because Firefox automatically fixes coding problems in any page you view. Get Firefox… it’s all I can recommend. My apologies again – on with today’s post…

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You’d think after my stroke of creative bravado yesterday I’d not have much to post… well, you’d be pretty much right. But you never know, let’s just get on with it…

I managed to track down Flashman again, which I was stoked about. After Blast Radius I thought he wasn’t coming back – so imagine my surprise and delight when I uncovered his latest scheme for world domination found his new tech blog, Electron Soup. Great to have found you again, Flash!

Through Electron Soup I found two amazing videos. The first is a masterpiece of editing and parody, called “Titanic: Two The Surface“. Combining clips from a wide variety of films (starring John Cusack, Leonardo di Caprio, Bill Paxton and including Romeo & Juliet, Catch Me If You Can, and many more), Derek Johnson has created the trailer to the sequel of James Cameron’s film Titanic. Awesome stuff.

Also lifted from Electron Soup is this incredible 13-minute collection of title sequences from a Japanese TV show called Pitagora Suchi. You’ve seen the Honda ad where the camera scrolls along as a multitude of car parts collide and clash and whirl and click in a series of machinated brilliance. However, that ad was all CGI. These are not. This is the real thing. It truly is unbelievable. Check it out.

The other thing I found that almost made me fall over with laughter was a series of videos of foolish people being pranked by a game created by Jeremy Winterrowd of Winterrowd Solutions. The game is called The Maze, and you can play it here. But be warned, there is a part of the game that may cause you to be shocked in a rather violent fashion, though hopefully not as violent as some of the unfortunate victims whose reactions can be seen in the Winterrowd Forums. My personal faves are here, here and here. A non-related prank video is here.

Cheers was article of the day over at Wikipedia, and I FOUND THE DILBERT BLOG!!

As for real-world stuff, if you get a chance, have a listen to the audio commentary by Wes Anderson and Noah Baumbach on the DVD of The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou. I was bored and unmotivated for study the other night so I whacked it on, and was stunned that I was riveted to the conversation over the movie. I’ve never really been a fan of audio commentaries – the only thing it seems to do is make me want to watch the movie again. But, in this case, the facts and anecdotes that were discussed, as well as Wes and Noah’s banter and jokes, made for awesome listening. The only other movie I’ve found decent audio commentary on is Tony Martin’s Bad Eggs. Absolutely hilarious (but with Tony Martin, Mick Molloy, Bob Franklin, Judith Lucy, Pete Smith, Alan Brough, Shaun Micallef and Bill Hunter, how can it not be?).

And lastnight, for the very first time, in the cold, dank, musty darkness of my room, I watched Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho. Bad move. I’ve seen far too many horror movies. I’ve done The Ring, Resident Evil, The Exorcist, The Blair Witch Project, The Haunting, Haunted – I’ve done them all. But none of them – none of them – came anywhere near Psycho, in terms of cinematography, suspense, acting, editing, the works. The closest remains The Exorcist, which is, in my opinion, the scariest movie of all time.

Not only is Psycho a cinematic masterpiece, and arguably, Hitch’s most popular and recognisable film (you’ll never think about showers the same way again…), it stands up to all the horror films of today, and highlights everything that’s wrong with them. Modern horror films have very little plot, if any at all. And if plot exists, it is stringy and very loose. Psycho is open-ended – in that it leaves much of the gory detail to the imagination of the audient – but remains tied into a very strict editing regime, to ensure the script and Hitch’s tireless storyboarding are adhered to.

In Screen Media at uni, we’ve watched the shower scene probably five times, because it is, according to the lecturers, one of, if not the best example of how editing, sound, acting, cinematography, staging and lighting can be used to elicit a reaction in the viewer.

Another scene I liked was Arbogast’s questioning of Norman Bates. I loved the angle Hitch used when Bates leans over to examine the guest register. It’s so out-of-the-ordinary, so disconcerting, and the shadows that play over Bates’ neck are very stark. The tracking shot used when Arbogast ascends the stairs of the house prepares the audience for something. It almost looks as though a zolly is used. And there’s a near-silence as all the music fades away except for a hanging strings note, and all we can hear is Arbogast’s footsteps on the stairs. Then the door opens and that striking overhead shot appears as Mother comes out of the doorway with the knife. Ugh.. I shudder just thinking about it. And that music… when someone is killed… the high staccato ‘reek reek reek reek’ of the strings…

They called Hitchcock the ‘master of suspense’. They were right.

Until next time…

INT. Theatre. Night.

The camera pulls back to reveal a darkened theatre full of people dressed in dinner suits and long, flowing evening gowns. Several are smoking. A spotlight suddenly floods the stage, and the curtains roll back to reveal a lone man in a tuxedo, holding a script. In front of him stands an old-fashioned microphone. There is polite applause, before the house lights dim completely and the audience is hushed.

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome. My name is Dan Binns, and I now sail in unchartered waters. As a blogger, my muse sometimes packs up and leaves, other times it invites its friends over for a quiet little garden party. This time, thankfully, the latter has occurred. You are about to witness a blogging revolution. A revolution that I hope will attract many followers among the intelligentsia and current affair-savvy in our time. You are about to witness the very first blog serial. Much like the satiric radio serials of old, I intend for mine to be a somewhat different and creative way of imparting my views or opinions on a current issue or ongoing controversy. So, without further ado, I give you Part I of “A Pirate’s Life”.

It was late. It was dark. Although the soft, gentle sway and buck of the waves was relaxing and highly soporific, the young man couldn’t sleep.

He rose from his hammock, pulled on a thick gown and hobbled up on deck. He moved over and leant on the railing – first looking down into the murky blue and purple depths, then up to the horizon, where the soft and distant glow and reflection of the moon hovered lightly on the surface.

They were fourteen thousand leagues from home. Their lifeline was their boat, the Bonny Charlatan, a modified sloop that had been permanently borrowed from the Spanish Navy. Where the original boat had four cannons, there were now forty. The grain stores had been converted into smuggling holds. And the Spanish flag had been replaced with the Jolly Roger.

The young man heard a cough and a mutter, and turned. Upon the helm stood an old man, still dressed in his uniform, smoking a pipe. The boy strolled up to the helm, stood at attention and cleared his throat. The older man turned.

‘Good evening, Master McDonnell,’ he greeted the boy.

‘Good evening, sir.’ The boy twisted and stamped his foot on the planks, a sign of respect.

‘Oh, for God’s sake, man. It’s three in the morning. At ease. Would you like to join me?’

‘Why yes, sir, if you don’t mind.’

‘I could use the company.’

‘What time do you think we’ll reach Port Royal, Captain?’

‘At our current speed, and if this weather holds out, we should be there late tomorrow.’

‘And our cargo?’

‘Safe and sound, m’boy. Don’t worry, you’ll get your cut of the plunder.’

‘That’s not my concern, sir. I was just wondering when we head out next.’

‘Well, there’s a French shipment arriving in Port-du-Paix in a months’ time. I thought we might be able to borrow a share, as a special gift for the Governor.’

‘I’d love to come, sir.’

‘Don’t worry, m’boy. You’re the best apprentice I’ve got. You’re coming.’

‘Thank you, sir.’

The night wore on, and before long, the first rays of sunlight began poking over the distant horizon. The two men were still conversing on deck.

‘Sir, if you like I could take over. You might do well to get a few hours’ kip before breakfast.’

‘Good idea, lad. Thank you.’

‘Aye, sir. I’ll follow you down and check on the loot.’

After the Captain closed the door to his quarters, McDonnell made his way deep into the ship’s belly, past sleeping men and dogs, past the infirmary and the galley, down into the heart of the ship – and the cargo hold.

It was well hidden, and barely accessible, but the hold made up just below half of the bulk of the entire ship. The only entry was through a cleaners’ storeroom on the sternward side of the galley.

McDonnell moved the buckets, mops and brushes, and clicked open the small hatch. He barely squeezed through, and out onto a steel catwalk that ran between two rows of crates, pallets and barrels. Yesterday morning the hold had been empty. They’d acquired the loot from a wealthy Spanish merchantman bound for Santo Domingo. There had been no resistance – the Captain hated fighting and bloodshed, preferring a show of force and then, hopefully, a quick surrender.

McDonnell cranked open one of the crates to check its contents. The cargo was safe and packed well. Stacked neatly in the box were small square cases, made of a clear, firm, transparent material. Inside each case was a round circle of metal, with a hole in the centre.

In another crate were rolls of negatives. McDonnell had seen film in his father’s pawnbroker shop back in Portsmouth. But these were rolls and rolls of film. McDonnell inspected one of the rolls, and saw that each picture was only slightly different to the one before it. Moving pictures? he thought. It can’t be. He stacked everything neatly and took one last look around before returning to the deck.

The sun was rising. A new day was beginning. To Port Royal they were bound. Where reward awaited. McDonnell loved the buccaneer’s life.

Stay tuned for the next instalment of “A Pirate’s Life”, coming in the next few days to Binnsy’s Hovel.

Until next time…

Today I went to the Newtown Flicks Short Film Festival, and saw several excellent short films by budding underground directors in and around Sydney. Of note were Wake Up (Dane Owen), The Chess Set (Alex Murawski) and Taxi. Check out my thoughts on the rest over at The Aperture Chronicles.

I’ve finally updated my ‘Books I own that I have yet to read‘ list! I read Jennifer Government, and it was great. More on that later…

I won bronze in the Blog Olympics. A winner is me!

Coming soon:

• The Pirate Post
• The Burkino Fasa Saga

Intrigued? Excited? Afraid? You will be. You will be.

More tomorrow, I promise – I need sleep.

Until next time…

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