Binnsy's Hovel

It’s an absolutely beautiful day here. So I really don’t know why I’m sitting in front of a computer. Meh. It’s only 11:41. No wait. 12:41. Aah, the glories of daylight saving. Not only do we lose an hour of sleep, but we get an extra hour of scorching hot summer to contend with. Brilliant. If I had a Guinness I would toast the complete pointlessness of such a bizarre man-made phenomena.

Meantime life continues much as it has this past 17 years for me. I have yet to do most of my weekend homework. However last night I was able to complete the speech that I had to write for the Youth of the Year competition. Although it has to be cut down, I’m quite happy with it. It’s a somewhat cynical perspective on the corporatisation of the world. I parody Winston Churchill, make reference to the Communist Manifesto and poke fun at McDonald’s. All the ingredients for a winning speech.

Cue stomach rumble. I swear I must have the greatest metabolism on the planet. I eat nothing but junk food. Well not entirely junk food. Okay, not much junk food, but the fact remains that I eat some junk food and still I remain tall and slender. How the hell does that work? How do I not put on weight, or at least grow a little bit outwards to balance the 6′1″ vertical-ness? One of the great wonders of the universe, and no complaints from me.

Oh and it’s racing time in my favourite city in the entire world. The Spring Racing Carnival in Melbourne is one of the classiest sporting events in existence. It all leads to Tuesday’s Melbourne Cup – the race that really does stop a nation. Honestly, what has the world become? 20 million people stop what they’re doing for three minutes as a few midgets ride some horses around an elliptical track. What is the spectacle of this? I honestly don’t care, and, ah, I’ll have five bucks each way on Media Puzzle.

‘O, yea, and there was much for the e’er-so-slightly enthusiastic blogger to ramble about in his half-centred state of mild delusion.’

Hi all

Much there is for me to ramble about indeed. I’d like to start with a heartfelt congratulations to the Australian cricket team. Through my father I have an unwavering (yet at times unenthusiastic) connection to the sport of cricket, and I feel that I honour that by publishing my joy at their breaking of the Indian drought. It is difficult to picture that in 35 years they have been unable to defeat the Delhi-dwellers on their own turf! Yet whenever we meet the inventers of the confounded game, the high-and-mighty English, we always win! Oh, the many profundities of such a strange yet graceful game. Anyway, well done boys and we all look forward to seeing you back here for the ODI series. I’ll be at the G for a few games in January – I always look forward to the one-dayers more than any other matches. The atmosphere and the excitement that it can evoke and instill astounds me and affects me even to this day. 80,000 people packed into the greatest sporting arena on the planet chanting the name of our glorious nation over and over again, as 12 of our finest sportspeople run around a cricket field all night. Great stuff.

It’s good to see that our illustrious Opposition leader, Mr Mark Latham, has finally come out from under his post-election rock. It is my opinion that he fled to Afghanistan and sought the company of one Osama Bin Laden, looking to elicit from him the location of his men, so he might justify his existence upon his return to Australia. Seriously, could anyone imagine our nation being run by him? It is my humble opinion that the NSW Opposition leader, Mr John Brogden, should be elevated to the role of Australia’s leader. I just love the man. Seriously. He has the personality, the enigma, the character and the strength of will to govern this nation. What ever happened to the enigmatic politicians? The Menzies’, the Whitlams, the Hawkes, the Kennetts. The same downward spiral has emerged in the US. They – and by effect the world – are being led by a redneck yokel! And political campaigns are no longer the glorious policy-making sessions they once were. They are now dog-eat-dog competitions of character and putting down your opponent’s policies, if he has gone to the trouble of having any. Bring back the charisma, the enigma, that surrounded the politicians of yesteryear. Bring back JFK, Bob Menzies and Jeff Kennett. Then the world might be restored to some form of order. Instead of the shithole that it’s becoming.

THEY’VE FOUND HOBBITS! Tolkien’s fiction becomes fact as archaeologists unearth some midget humans on an island not far from Australia. As an ardent follower of archaeological works around the globe – as well as being a Tolkien nut – this discovery has fascinated me. The prospect of discovering DNA of these creatures among the countless tools and matter the teams have uncovered is astounding. What if genetic engineering advances so far that we might be able to recreate one of these beings? There’d be halflings all over the place! We’d teach them about Frodo and Bilbo and send them off into the highlands of Victoria’s Gippsland region to build hobbit-holes and have parties of a grand scale and smoke pipe-weed – we won’t tell them it’s illegal; they’re hobbits, for God’s sake!

As for now, though, it’s farewell from this digger-up of random artefacts and replacer of vicious hamster-like replicas. Until next time, folks….